Egypt

I want to go backwards - but not to Egypt but to Jesus! I miss Him but I am lost. I don't really know how to make my way back cos Egypt has now entered my protected world What does someone do when he / she has steered off course .. I don't really know except I hear my spirit say in my weakness He is strong .. I daren't trust my instincts anymore cos I have stumbled away .. But I guess somewhere at the back of my mind I think if I wait , He is going to come n He will save me from my miry clay .. I guess I ask Jesus if possible make this day swift cos I am afraid that I will drift away from You rather than fall into Your arms of love. Someone told me recently that when u jump off the plane, you jump. I am trying to jump except my two hands are still clinging onto Egypt.. My fears suddenly seem bigger than life itself ...  pry open my control n fears n assure me by Your love and joy... I know in my head that when I finally jump I am going to jump into life n love .. That me n my next generations will reap what I sow ... yet I struggle ... am i facing my humanity?  I guess if there is one thing I have to ask of the Lord, the one thing I ask is that He will give me grace to finish the race well so that my generations and I will hear the Lord say 'Well done, my good and faithful servant, you have truly run the race and fought well as my Warrior Bride!"