i now serve a few different ministries in geylang ... and yes, i am not very comfortable with it but since its something that the Lord asked me to do, i just do it!   in the past i used to struggle with the Lord, a lot!  yet now, it seems like it gets easier!  in the past when i feel frustrated, i would whine and tell the Lord that i disapprove of His logic... yet now, it seems like i dont struggle so much and i am now even starting to enjoy my migrant or refugee status in geylang!    lately i had an awful encounter with one of the ministries and while complaining to the Lord and telling Him what i thought of the whole thing, His gentle reply through a song was - you complain, complain, complain but I still love you anyways!  perhaps its His kindness, perhaps His sense of humour i dont know ... what i know is that this reply helped me see the funny side to things and to bring a breakthrough cos now that i am going through another struggle with a different ministry, i dont fuss anymore... infact, i am now laughing about it and i dont struggle as much... i just thicken my face and grin and tell myself that I SHIRLEY LEE HOON CHAI AM LOVE AND SO I WILL LOVE, SERVE AND HONOUR WHOEVER AND WHEREVER THE LORD SENDS ME ...   have i matured?  i sure hope so ... yet truth be told, i think its not really maturity but simply the Lord weeding out the pride in me, slowly but surely ... i used to tell myself in my religious voice that blessed are the perseucted for theirs in the kingdom of heaven (hehe) but now, i humbly tell myself thank God for discipline cos its in these moments that my heart can get tenderised and the grace of God can be real ...   i guess geylang has taught me some very key lessons - its really not about what we can do - how silly too of us to think our righteous acts can bring us closer to God ... but its about christianity being real!  i guess because my desire is that my obituary will say these words - SHIRLEY, A PERSON WHO LOVED JESUS PASSIONATELY AND AS A RESULT PEOPLE WITH COMPASSION, i shall endeavour to fight the good fight of love grrrrr and to really allow the good Lord to perfect love in me - killing all the fears i have and to allow love to reflect in me ... is it worth it?  hmmmmm when the race is over, i think i will say yes ... so grace, grace and more grace ... grace to let go of pride, fears and my selfish rights and grace to allow Jesus to truly be the Lord of my life   sl