hi hi
the three days were AWFUL to say the least, yet very necessary! made me realise how much i need it and how much i need to return to the Lord. truly its His grace and mercy that allowed me / us to continue with AON and with life itself!
as i mentioned, on reflection for the year, the report card has been NOT GOOD ... rather than being an esther, i was in most cases a vashti! rather than being a david, i was in many cases a saul! yet in God's kindness, at 1130pm on 31 dec 07, smily sms'ed me and said message from pastor yang is zech 3: 1-9.
i told you that this was the passage that the Lord gave me when i was in ihop to affirm me that spore will be saved, and the very same passage for geylang ... zech was also the book that when singapore hop sent me off, few prayers were made from here ... one was the new turban and new garments and the other was the glory of God in the city yet the walls were explode cos of the blessings of God! i guess in my weakness, the Lord had to affirm me that look kid, you goofed it major this year, yet i am giving u new garments and a new turban! for all the sins, i will repay with blessings if only you would repent and have a broken spirit and a contrite heart - something i know i desperately need! something i know that unless i can truly have this, the pride, arrogance and leaning on men will offend the Lord
i always spend my birthdays in the house of prayer /Lord. this is my heart's desire and this has been the norm for the past few years... yet this year, i so didnt go into the adoration room ... i went there for a few minutes and left despite sensing the very strong presence of God ... as i reflect, i wonder if the Lord allowed this to show me what the people outside are feeling ... yes, the prayer room is awesome ... yet, perhaps like me they walk in condemnation knowing that where they are at is not exactly where they would like to be with the Lord and so they avoid the presence of God ... not until the Lord would come to them and give them a new turban and an renewed heart :)
yes, i am leaving the convent (incidentially the foundation of this convent is charity which essentially means love ... everything they do therefore is simply to love jesus and to love people through evangelism ...) and i will attempt to spend some time in the prayer room for a bit ... i thank God for this time here and for taking me through a journey to show me where i am at with Him so that even as i enter 2008, i will embrace it with hopefully a broken spirit and a contrite heart!
btw, i dreamt twice within my two nites here that the triad boss came to our place to eat !!! first time it was a small table and the second was huge! i think the harvest is here ... and yes, the Lord told me too that we really need to find our own identity - one that He has given us ... i so believe its from jer 3, zech and isaiah ... some of the things He said was one sign I give you is that you will see foreigners help you build this place - i guess the time is here since we have hwa gen, the nigerians, peter yr sister's friend etc ... so let's do it this time round with the foundations as love, peace and truth! lets be those that will really uphold the justice of Jesus and to really walk in His ways ... lets make our identity a company of believers who will give Jesus our all, holding back nothing not cos we have to but cos He is altogether lovely! and He truly is! may we discover this truth this year!
finally, a very blessed new year! lois and some JG people from singapore hop came on 28 dec 07 crossing over to 29 dec 07 and the thing that the Lord reminded me through that session was lets never ever be an essau ... he sold his destiny for a bowl of soup! i think the thing that really hurt the Lord was profane fire ie he never treasured his birthright and so built for the earth (it was a worship that was mixed) ... and sadly, earthly prosperity he got (he was rich!) ... yet in the eyes of God, he was a fool! the Lord despised him ... lets offer Jesus our all ... lets be a jacob and really wrestle with Jesus that we would give off our all to Him - yes, i am still wrestling ... but i pray that we will cross over to the place that He wants us to be ... lets never settle for second best but to always contend for the best. i guess proverbs 3 :5,6 is so apt isnt it ... that we truly need to learn to trust in God with all our hearts so that we will never lean on our own understanding ... i guess it all comes down to where our hearts are ... i guess its also truly about faith, trust and humility!
love you
sl
ps - i couldnt fast !!!!! Lord give me the grace to fast this year ...
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